Love Isn't Symmetrically
by Zetsubou sama
Summary: This is a story of what would happen if a love potion went horribly, horribly wrong, and if our favorite Symmetry obsessed shinigami Death the Kid got caught in the middle. KidxPattyxLizxBlairxTsubakixMaka
1. Chapter 1

**Love isn't symmetrical**

**Chapter One: Hearts Surround Death **

It started out as a normal day, the crew was at Maka's apartment enjoying themselves that was until Blair arrived. As she grabbed souls head she began caressing his head in her boobs, having to much fun to notice Soul might die of blood lose. "Hey " spoke Blair in her little cat voice "I'm making a potion I found in one of my old books you wanna see what it does". "What type of potion is it" spoke Maka a bit annoyed of what Blair did to Soul. "Well it's a love potion" spoke Blair dropping Soul. "You mean like in fairy tales" spoke Liz getting strange ideas. "Yeah like those, whose in" announced Blair as she began heading to her room. Naturally all the girls got up each with there own objective in mind. Maka's was just to see how ludicrous the idea of a love potion was. Tsubaki's was just to see a love potion. Liz's was to make an rich man fall in love with her so she could buy whatever she wanted. Patty's was because everyone else was going. As all the girls were in Blair's room the witch herself came back out to ask one of the boys for their cooperation. Blair looked at soul first but noticed he was still out cold. Then she looked at Black*Star, "How Black*Star would you like for everyone to love you" asked Blair thinking someone with his ego would love the idea. As Black*Star rose to his feet he point his finger in the air "Black*Star doesn't need any potion for the world to love him, I will be the one to surpass God then the world would love such a big man, YAHOO" yelled Black*Star in his own little world. "Well maybe Kid and I have the perfect plan" thought Blair as she looked at kid with a menacing smile. "Kid-kun will you" spoke Blair before she was cut off. "No, I have no interest in potions" spoke Kid not caring in the least. "But we need the perfect amount of ingredients so it will be symmetrical" spoke Blair knowing she head the nail on the head. Without hesitation Kid jumped off the couch, grabbed Blair's hand, and ran at full speed towards Blair's room.

As both Kid and Blair burst into the room, Kid noticed the potion had already been brewed. "What's this all about" demanded Kid as Blair closed the door behind them to make sure Kid didn't escape. "Well I needed a test subject" spoke Blair pinning Kid to the floor to forcibly make him drink the potion. "Um.. Maybe we shouldn't do this" spoke Tsubaki probably being the only one in his defense. "Don't worry" spoke Liz "Kid can handle anything". "Anything, anything" spoke Patty as she laughed at the face Kid was making. As a bottle began floating over the cauldron Blair began whispering to Kid "just a pinch of lavender and it'll be ready". "No I won't be forced into love you cannot expect a shinigami to be duped into a simple love potion" spoke Kid in a superior tone. "Maybe but we'll just have to see" spoke Blair as the Lavender fell into the cauldron . As the cauldron began to rumble red smoke like hearts began to rise out of it. "Yes it was a success" spoke Blair as if she had just made the fountain of youth. But before she could celebrate the cauldron began to shake violently followed by a crimson red smoke hearts. "What's going on" spoke Maka a bit nervous. "Let me see I followed the recipe to the letter" spoke Blair as the last ingredient floated towards her "what this isn't Lavender, it's, it's, chocolate powder" but, before she could explained what could happen let alone evacuate the cauldron exploded sending the potion every which way . As the room filled with pink smoke Kid noticed he was free but, without hesitation he looked around the room to see if the girls were alright. Yet as Death the kid tried to make his way to where Tsubaki was (considering she was the only one who defended him) he felt someone grab his leg preventing him from moving. As the smoke cleared Kid noticed it was Blair acting like a kitten. "Oh Kid you sexy, sexy man" spoke Blair as she hung from Kid's leg. "Blair let go" demanded Kid not trying to kick her off but, before he could plead with her somebody grabbed Kid's hand. As Kid looked toward the person who grabbed his hand he felt relieved that it was Tsubaki but, something about seem off. As Kid let his guard down Tsubaki jumped on Kid and embraced him so he wouldn't loss his balance "Kid-kun I love you" whispered Tsubaki in Kid's ear. "Eh" spoke Kid as he hoped he didn't just hear what he thought he heard. Once again before Kid could react he felt someone at he waist. "Hmmm, well Blair's at my leg, Tsubaki is in front of me that leaves Maka, Patty and Liz, this day is turning into a living hell" thought Kid as the person grabbing his waist increased her grip. "Kid I adore you" spoke Maka with sparkles in her eye. "Well at least Patty and Liz haven't gone crazy " thought Kid before he felt two hands caress his face. "Kid" spoke Liz in a sexy voice to the right of Kid. "We want to play with you" spoke Patty in a sexy voice (well about as sexy as Patty can get) to the left of Kid. Maybe it was the shock, maybe it was the symmetry, maybe it was geass (it's a possibility) but Kid bust through Blair's door leaving the girls in disappointment rushing to where Black*Star and Soul were at.

"Soul, Black*Star" spoke Kid at of breathe "control you meister's and that witch I'll handle my weapons". "Eh" spoke Black*Star and Soul in unison wondering what was meant by "control". Almost like a dash of light the girls returned to the position they had when they were in Blair's room. "Why'd you run" asked Maka, "you'll never leave me again" spoke Blair purring, "I'll always be there for you" spoke Tsubaki pressing him closer to her, "don't forget we know where you live" spoke Liz and Patty in unison. While this was going on Soul and Black*Star looked even more puzzled till they noticed the Kid was throwing up hand signs. "H…E…L…P, help" thought Soul as he seemed pretty satisfied that he got what Kid was trying to say in morse code, but he didn't try to help considering it seemed pretty funny seeing Kid squirm. Within ten seconds of Kid's squirming main door to Maka's apartment busted open. To Kid's relief it was Spirit (Death Scythe), Maka's father, "maybe he could clear this up" thought Kid as he looked at Spirit. As Spirit looked around he bowed got back to his original position, apologized and closed the door leaving Kid in despair. As Spirit looked around he made sure that he went into the right room. Seeing as he was in front of the right door he opened it up slowly looking around he began to call role as his eyes looked towards the person he called, "Soul, Black*Star, Tsubaki, Blair, Death the Kid, Liz, Patty, Maka". "MAKA" screamed Spirit as he saw his beloved daughter around the waist of Shinigami-sama's son. "Maybe I've failed as a father" spoke Spirit as he banged his hand on the ground but before he could continue his rant he looked at Kid who seemed quite unpleased with what the girls were doing. As Spirit got to his feet he realized that his fellow man were in a situation they couldn't handle, so without hesitation Spirit pointed his finger to a random room in Maka's apartment and spoke "Look Kid's skull ring". As if Spirit were a mastermind, all the girls ran to get Kid's ring unaware that he never pulls any of them off. During the confusion Spirit, Kid, black*Star, and Soul ran out of the apartment and headed to Shibusen, hopefully the girl's wouldn't catch on.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

Recap;

In the last chapter of Love isn't Symmetrical Death the Kid was horrible tricked to take part in a love potion testing but, as by a luck of fate Blair accidentally put chocolate powder into the cauldron instead of lavander causing the potion to go haywire causing the girls to fall in love with Kid. Yet at the last second an unlikely hero Spirit came and saved the dayor at least bought some time. Now Death the Kid, Spirit, Soul, and Black*Star have made it to Shibusen will they found an answer here read and found out. This has been a recap brought to you by Excalibur "BAKA"!

**Love isn't Symmetrical**

**Chapter Two: A Heart for Death Leaves The Whole World Depressed**

As Team Death (a team composed of Spirit, Death the Kid, Soul and Black*Star, just to save time typing and reading the same names over again) turned a corner inside Shibusen they had only one place in mind that they might escape the loved crazed girls. As Team Death passed a window they saw Team Death Crazy (consists of Maka, Tsubaki, Liz, Patti, and Blair, the name of the team pretty much tells it) near the bottom of the stairs that lead up to Shibusen. Though Team Death had a ten minute head start (apparently the girls really wanted to find that ring) they knew if they didn't reach their destination then it would be over for them, well Death the Kid to be precise. "Oh Shimatta" (damn, fuck, anything along those line) screamed Spirit. "Yeah it would be most bothersome if they caught us" spoke Kid as they turned another corner. "NO, WHY WOULD MY MAKA BE AT THE WAIST OF SHINIGAMI-SAMA'S SON WAIST" cried Spirit "MAYBE I'M A BAD FATHER". "Maybe but know isn't the time" spoke Kid as they passed yet another corner. As Team Death reached a door with a skull on it, they were reluctant to open it until they heard the voices of Team Death Crazy scream "KID" maybe two halls over. "We'd better hurry" spoke Soul. Almost as if instinct they busted through the door only to see Shinigami-sama, Stein-Hakase, and Marie-sensei. But before anyone could get a greeting out Team Death closed the door and put their backs against the walls so that if the door open no one opening the door would see them. In less than ten seconds time the door busted open to reveal Maka, Tsubaki, Liz, Patti, and Blair. "Wassup, wassup, holla" spoke Shinigami as he waved his gigantic hand. As the girls lined up they bowed "konichiwa Shinigami-sama" spoke the girls as they rose out of their bowed state. "Sorry to intrude but" spoke Maka as Tsubaki continued where Maka stopped "have you seen kid" spoke Tsubaki, "we would like a word with him" spoke Liz and Patti in unison continuing where Tsubaki finished, "among other things, meow" spoke Blair. As Shinigami was about to speak he noticed Kid was writing something with his shadows "Chichiue if you have any hopes of me living to become a great Shinigami don't tell them I'm here". Yet before Shinigami could get a word out Marie stepped forward "oh kid-kun he's" but before she could say another word Stein had grabbed her, leaned her so she would seemed to had been swept off her feet and leaned in for a kiss. As the girls saw this they walked out, "there's no way Kid would be here looking at something so asymmetrical" spoke Liz with the other girls agreeing. As the door closed Spirit dashed toward Stein and Marie, somehow within the hundred or so meters from where they were on the wall to the platform Spirit changed clothes which resembled what Jiraiya usually wore (Rest in peace pervy sage) and a note pad but, as he got closer to Stein and Marie he turned away with tears in his eye for it had seemed that Marie had passed out in the moment of surprise.

As Stein laid Marie down he walked to a table Shinigami-sama had prepared with snacks and tea. "When did Kid-kun become such a ladies man" spoke Shinigami-sama. "That's not the case chichiue" spoke Kid as he took a sip of his tea. "So why is Tsubaki acting weird" spoke Black*Star with a cookie in his mouth (yup Black*Star's first line, it kinda surprised me that this was his first time getting some words in since he'd my second favorite Shibusen student meister). "Because of the love potion" spoke Kid as he sat his cup of tea on the table. "BUT WHY IS MAKA ACTING SO STRANGE, HUGGING ON KID-KUN'S WAIST" cried Spirit. "DOUBLE SHINIGAMI CHOP" yelled Kid and Shinigami-sama as they laid havoc upon Spirits head. "Weren't you listening Spirit-kun it was a love potion" spoke Shinigami-sama. "Oh yeah" spoke Spirit as his face laid on the ground from the debut of the Double Shinigami Chop father, son addition. "Well I can't run away from them forever" spoke Kid as he continued sipping his tea. "Don't worry" spoke Spirit fully recovered "we know a man who can be called the love guru and it's not me." "Who is it" spoke Kid, Soul, and Black*Star in unison. "This man has the ability to knock women off their feet with his eccentric ways" spoke Spirit as if he were a game show announcer. "Who is he" spoke Kid, Soul and Black*Star in unison but with more excitement in their voices then they had previously . "This man is none other then our Stein-Hakase" spoke Spirit finally announcing who the love guru was. "I gonna dissect and this time I'm gonna sow your mouth shut" spoke Stein as he adjust his glasses so the light glared off them and made him seem like mad scientist ( well more like one). "I'll be quiet" spoke Spirit as he began to sweat remembering how when he was Stein's partner he used to get dissected all the time. "Besides I don't know nothing about love potions, I'm a scientist" spoke Stein as he grabbed a cup of tea. Almost as if hearing the word love used some many times was like a revival spell Marie jumped up saying two words "Love Potion." "Huh" spoke all the males at the table. "If it's love potions you need help with then I'm your sensei" spoke Marie in her chipper attitude. "How is it you know so much about love potions" asked Stein as he continued sipping his tea. "Well first I need to know what color was the hearts the cauldron threw out, the color hearts determine how long the effects last" spoke Marie ignoring Stein's question. As Soul and Black*Star looked at each other they gave blank stares considering they weren't in the room, so both of them looked toward Kid seeing as he was the only one who saw, besides the girls. "Well it was a crimson or maybe ruby red" spoke Kid hoping that the colors he said meant it was a short term potion. "Judging by the color's you said the potion's effect will last two or so years" spoke Marie in a shocked yet chipper tone.

"Ta…tatata….TWO YEARS" yelled Kid as he went to a state of despair, "I'm trash, garbage, now I see what Zetsubou Sensei has to go through on a regular basis. "Don't fret Kid-kun there is a couple of options you could do to lift the effects" spoke Marie. "What are they" spoke Kid as if Marie was a goddess and he was a lowly servant. "Option 1: Run away" spoke Marie in an unfavorable tone. "No" spoke Kid as he sipped his tea (awful lot of tea). "Option 2: You give them a love felt passionate kiss after a romantic date" spoke Marie in a super positive tone meaning that, that was the best option. "Pass" spoke Kid still sipping his tea. "Option 3: Break their hearts" spoke Marie in a tone that resembled Shinigami-sama when he was angry signifying that, that option was a no go. As Kid heard his options he stood up as if he were dead with his head facing downward so no one could see his face but, as he lifted his head he eyes showed he made a decision and he was proud of his choice. "Well I'll see everyone in two years" spoke Kid as his skateboard manifested in his hand. "See ya, ciao, sayonara, send a post card" spoke Shinigami-sama as he began to wave. "No you're taking Option 2" spoke Marie with bolding confidence that made Kid's resolve shudder. "The question is which girl should we choose first, we need someone who we can depend on and you need to be able to handle her (yeah that doesn't sound all that right but compared to what I was original gonna put there it's way better)" spoke Marie almost as if she already had a plan wither he chose any girl or girls. "Hmm I guess I'll start with Tsubaki, I mean she was the only who was against me becoming a guinea pig" spoke Kid kinda nervous, thinking that him choosing her first would lead to a misunderstanding that would contradict anything he would later say. "Well then leave the planning to me just dress normal and be ready tomorrow" spoke Marie sending off flames of confidence. "I doomed" thought Kid as he dropped his head. "He's doomed" though Stein at almost the same time Kid dropped his head.

Will Kid lift the potion's effect off of Tsubaki, how will Marie get them on a date without the other girls knowing, will Black*Star get more line, is there every gonna be a day Excalibur won't say "BAKA" all these questions and more will be answered in the Next chapter.

_**Bonus Chapter**_

**Love isn't Symmetrical**

**Chapter 2.1: Love in The Form of Tea**

As demonstrated above Marie has knowledge of potions something only witches normal know about in this mini chapter we will learn how she learned of this and why she fainted during her (clears throat) moment with Stein.

It started out like a normal morning Marie was cooking breakfast and Stein was in his laboratory. Though Marie had feelings for Stein she knew that he was to stubborn to express them (as every guy is) , and she was to afraid of the consequences if she told him how she felt about him and he didn't return her emotions ( typical anime female problem, we've all seen this before). But a week ago Marie had bought a book while she was walking home from grocery shopping called "Advice For the Single Woman" by some person named Cu Pid. In this book she learned of ways to get a man to tell you how they feel about them one was telling the person how you fell ( the best option), seduction (would make for a funny story for the children), and potions (yup the one she choose). That same night she asked Stein how he felt about love, his response to that question is love "Great minds know no such thing as love; the word itself is a foreign concept. I am a scientist; therefore, I don't know love." Which was not the answer Marie was looking for.

The next day Marie made a potion she named Vérité de l'amour ( french for truth of love) that would automatically make the drinker confess his love to the next person he saw, the problem was getting him to drink it. It's not like she could say "Stein you look thirsty so why don't you drink this non suspicious drink I made" yeah that would work about as well as telling him to stop dissect things ,but if she put it in his tea he wouldn't know and shed have her proof. Shortly after she walked inside Stein's laboratory with a tea cup. "Here you are stein, I'm made tea" spoke Marie as she gave him the cup. "Thanks" spoke Stein. As Stein was about to take a sip Marie's heart began pounding harder and harder almost as if she were she were trying to stay alive as much as could. The tension in the room was building (well from her point of view) as it seem that Stein was taking his time sipping his tea. As Stein was about to finally take a sip (technically three seconds after receiving tea- Stein's view, five years after giving Stein tea- Marie's view) when he looked at a soon to be experiment between two species of fighting ninja cats ( IDK just go with it) of different genders that could mate to make an super ninja cat, the problem was the male wasn't feeling it ( if you know what I mean) meaning he wasn't in love with the other ninja cat (see caught you thinking of a enzyme commercial). So Stein gave the cat his tea considering Marie's tea was one of the best. As stein gave the cat the tea it ran toward the other cat and began meowing to the female and giving the facial appearance of her it had to be something mommies and daddies say before they have to make life changes. As Marie walked out the lab in defeat Stein ran to her giving her a hug. "Thanks to you I can dissect something grand in a couple of weeks" spoke Stein. Happy that she was of some help she forgot of her failed experiment and excepted the compliment. Over the course of the week, Marie was trying other potions but to no avail on Stein, but apparently she was the animal kingdom's sex drug since with every potion she gave Stein he would give it to an experiment and soon after the animals would give each other the business (yup that business). Now Marie was on her final potion and she was in luck Stein was sitting in the living room where he couldn't be disturbed by experiments. Marie thought today is the day (one week before the main story takes place) she made tea for the both of them but she put the last potion she named Kuroi Ai (Japanese for black love) a potion that causes the user to blackout whenever they feel like the person they like makes a move, they would faith but the effects would last for one week so says the faint purple hearts. As Marie began pouring the potion into a cup of tea she began fantasizing how she would act when Stein passed out but in her day dream she completely forgot the most important thing, which cup she put the potion in. She would have broken a sweat but she was a lady in love, she knew that the power of love would make here choose which cup didn't have the potion (soon to be epic failure) as she place the teacups on the table in front of Stein and her, Stein picked the cup on the left and Marie picked the one on the right (the order they were sitting on the couch). As Stein took his sip, he appeared to be in shock, so Marie took it as her victory and began to sip her tea as if nothing was wrong. "So Stein" spoke Marie trying to sound seductive but interrupted by Stein. "This tea is delicious" spoke Stein as he continued to sip his tea. As Marie looked at her reflection in what little bit of her tea was left, "oh crap luck wasn't on my side" she thought as she began to look pale. As Stein saw her turn pale he put his forehead to hers to see if she was coming down with a fever. As soon as she felt her heart skip a beat she passed out leaving Stein to take care of her, luckily the fainting process only last a few minutes to a few hours. As Marie awoke from her potion she noticed Stein was sleep in a chair beside the bed she was in as she looked at the clock it showed she was out for five hours the maximum amount of hours the potion last but as she saw Stein's sleeping face she could only see knew he cared for her and she didn't need a potion for him to tell her. So from that day on she promised to find out his deepest feelings without the use of potions.

TBC


End file.
